“Will you miss Holy Cross?”

The short answer is yes. But the long answer is no.

As much as I hate cliches, even stubborn me will admit that college was a pretty good four years, and it is probably four years that is like no other. I will give others credit when they told me to cherish every moment because it will be gone in the blink of an eye. I will also give them credit when they say that you will probably never be around so many of your friends and people the same age as you ever again. (At least that’s how I feel now).

There will likely be no more naps in the middle of the day & between classes, less flexibility in when I get to head to the gym, and more effort required in scheduling plans for the weekend. It will also be more challenging to get myself to daily mass and confession, and more difficult to seek out counsel from priests & chaplains and fellowship with other passionate Catholics.

It will be even harder to leave Holy Cross with the regrets that I have of things that I feel were unfinished or relationships that I could have worked harder to perfect. Like how I wished I had formed more long-term & stronger relationships with community members of Worcester, how I wished I had been a more involved musician in the Music Department (maybe taken some risks & tried a vocal ensemble), or how I wished I had been able to grow closer with other students in the Chaplains Office (after all, each person’s journey to God is so unique!).

But here I am…a graduate of the Class of 2018.

Here.

Now.

This.

(A wise companion once told me).

But all I can think about is

Back over there.

Before.

Remember that?

Who am I kidding? Everyone knows we are all also thinking about

Out there.

After.

Then.

I don’t know what it is going to be like. And it scares me.

It scares me because I thought that college was the big grey area of my life.

A swirl of questions, emotions, more questions, questions left unanswered, definitely, some answered, but then more unanswered. College left me with a lot of questions. I swear that God likes to answer a lot of my prayers with more questions…

But now here I am, graduated, realizing that most questions never really get fully answered…especially the ones that I ask God. Sure, I can turn to the Catechism for many answers…

And maybe I can also turn to God’s Word. It seems to be the only foundation that I’ve got in this crazy world.

I worry about the Church a lot. I worry about God being hurt by His children (yes, including me!) who get swayed & tossed around by the things of this world. (Lord, sometimes, it is just so dang confusing!)

All I want to do is follow you, but I don’t want to hurt people in the process.

This world needs mercy, more than anything, but it also needs Truth. I’m just afraid that so many of us cannot hear Truth anymore because the world is LOUD. Truth does not reject mercy. In fact, does not mercy survive on Truth? I would hate to see a doctor who gives me the wrong medicine.

So in answer to your question,

“Will you miss Holy Cross”?

The short answer is yes, and the long answer is no.

My home is not at Holy Cross.

My home is not here in Hampton Falls.

My home is not even in Manila in the Philippines with my Casa Bayanihan family.

In all of these places, I have seen glimpses of my heavenly home.

But I have a long way to go.

And the best answer to most of my questions remains:

Not yet, Cassie.

Not yet.

“We plant the seeds that one day will grow.

We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise”

‘Prophets of a Future Not Our Own’ by Cardinal Dearden, 1979
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